The hardest thing to realize is that you actually have feeling for the person, that you just walked away from. The reason you walked away was for a good reason. At the time you thought it was going to be easy because you have zero emotional attachment to him. Until it sinks in that he is no longer yours. No longer will you be held like you are the only person that matters in the world.
But you were the one who ended it! So why does it feel like he shattered your heart into gains of sand? You didn’t really open up to him so why are you walking around in daze. Why think about him every waking moment. Obsess! Over him. When In the end it was you ending it.
The reason you feel so destroyed is when you broke up he acted he didn’t care. His response was as if you were talking about the weather. As if it wouldn’t effect him either way. Then you realized that everything that he told was a lie. Saying he loved you, was a lie. Tell you that he would never leave, was a lie. Tell you that he will never hurt you, what a joke! Saying that you are perfect and there’s nothing that needs to change, was a lie. You realized the minute there was any distance between you and him. He went silent. You know that he was on his phone late into the night. But did he bother to text you? Of course not. You should have taken everything and ran when he said he’s not good at long distance relationship. When in the end your relationship was going to be long distance. What was he going to do? Coddle you, smother you with his love. blind you with his heroic action, taint you with his words and have you wrapped around his finger so tight. The minute you take a step he pulls the cord. Leaving you breathless and lifeless. As you debut into your next life.
I was told to write about my life. I never really thought about it before. But Bayley and Christian thought it would be a good idea if I did. They think I have a lot to share with the world. But to be honest I don’t really think so. Plus I don’t really like writing because I’m not that good at it. I kind of get self-consensus when I do because I’m not the best speller. And my grammar is just awful. On the silver lining the more I write the better I’ll get right? At least that’s what they tell me.
Well got one of mom’s letters in the mail today. To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. Usually whenever she write a letter it’s more like a letter of thing I wish I had said when I was fight. But that was it at all. It was more of a Dear John letter. Letter you would spend someone that doesn’t have an excess to phone or any type of social media. To be honest I kind of felt sad because it put me in this mood where I was missing out on thing that I didn’t know I that was missing out on.
Last week for a fleeting moment I felt like Ophelia Sage. The character from the movie Savages. I’m kind of ashamed for even say that… but whatever. Ophelia (O) is in a polygamous relationship with two best friends. I’m not saying that I almost got involved in a polygamous relationship or anything. The movie was really weird and I found Blake Lively to be every annoying. I really loved her in Gossip Girl.
I thought I like this guy, lets call him John. So I started hangout with him and get to know him better. Well every time I was around John, his friend was always there too. Basically it ended up being the three of us hanging out. I knew that John like me, but didn’t really show it. But his friends started complementing me and being around more than John. I figured he liked me. So I started like him back.